I was seven years old when Jurassic Park came out and eight years old when I watched it in my Grandparent’s living room. The soft, faded fabric of the sofa cushion I hid behind, did little to protect me from the frankly horrific events that proceeded to unfold on the small analogue telly in the centre of the room. My younger brothers were on the floor, enraptured and my grandmother was knitting beside me, clearly not the least bit concerned at her youngest granddaughter’s feelings of UTTER TERROR.
It’s one of the most vivid childhood memories that I have and twenty years on I still get nightmares about being chased by sodding Velociraptors. It’s always the same; me legging it up this never-ending spiral staircase with random catering equipment dotted about, a low growl and the shadow of something on the wall every time I spare a look behind me.
I have never forgiven Michael Crichton or Steven Spielberg and to be honest I don’t think I ever will. It’s their fault I have Ornithoscelidaphobia (hahaha), one of the more ridiculous fears of anything ever. In my defense, yes okay a lovely little asteroid (probably) caused them all to die millions of years ago, but I think the fear of BEING EATEN is a perfectly understandable one. I mean, no one wants to be eaten, that’s a bad way to go. We’re human, top of the food chain over here okay? Being hunted by something bigger than we are is damn unnatural.
The fear of Dinosaurs might be a bit daft, the recurring nightmares equally so, but I refuse to believe anyone who says they aren’t happy about the fact there are a whole 66 million years separating us from these ginormous vicious killers. You know the name Tyrannosaurus comes from the Greek for tyrant lizard. Seriously.
And just in case some of you have seen the Land Before Time so many times your perspective on this matter has become completely skewed, consider this list:
1) Dinosaurs have teeth.
2) Great big, massive teeth.
3) They’ll use them to CHEW YOU INTO PULP.
4) Then sallow you!
Still, at least I don’t have Alliumphobia. That would be really silly.