In another time, being so utterly alone was the very worst thing I could imagine. Having to say goodbye as, one by one, everyone I’ve come to know on this journey smiles and steps back. They wait for me to join them again in the distance.
It’s funny, but I don’t feel older or wiser. I’ve learnt about the galaxy and all the stars that dance within it, but I don’t think I’ve changed at all. I still feel stupidly embarrassed when I think about that crush I had on you in school. I still suck at chess. Knowing so much more about the Universe and what keeps it all together has become insignificant somehow. There’s no one left to explain it all to.
I have this really vivid memory of before we first met and I bet all the Goldilocks planets in existence that you will have no idea what I’m talking about but-
You were wearing this green and grey striped shirt, a hideous thing that looked about three sizes too big for you. For some reason, known only to you and your utter lack of anything resembling fashion sense, you decided to complete the look with brown trousers. I never did find out if the outfit was the result of a lost bet or not. Probably for the best.
Anyway you were standing outside a pub in the town centre and I was heading to a club, that one with the floors that stick so much you can step out of your shoes if you’re not careful. I passed you in the road and for a split second you looked away from the mate you were smoking with and just, stared at me.
I wish I could remember if either of us spoke but I, like you I’m sure, was completely drunk. As in, I ended the evening face down in a carpet.
Of all the memories I have in my head, I don’t know why that one has become so important. Looking out onto the vastness of this space and seeing how empty it could be has made me nostalgic, I guess. I do wonder if you think of me, but I’m not upset that I’ll never find out.
I can see you from here, keys in your hand as you call to your kids to hurry up and get into the car.
Your world is full to bursting.
And after I take this one last step, maybe mine will be too.
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